He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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