ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she peed on how many people?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
