You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
