I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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