Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
