How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
