Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
