The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
