And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you win again, gameday.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
