Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
