i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
