What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
