Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
