**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
