dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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