If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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