I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Houston, we have a blender
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
