this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
