So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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