Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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