I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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