its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
