I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
