I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
