I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
