ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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