so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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