So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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