Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
