Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she peed on how many people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
