Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
