I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
