hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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