So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dignity is for republicans.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
