It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
