the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
