Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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