I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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