This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
