Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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