super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its not stalking. its research.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
