i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
