You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
accomplished twins. life is a go
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
