yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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