the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
