Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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