So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
