i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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