This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
