i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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